Friday, August 7, 2009

signs signs everywhere are signs

Ok so i've been mildly obsessed with signs for the greater art of my life. I have always found church signs particularly humorous. Oh you know the ones like " Get on you knees... and PRAY!" or "There are some questions that can't be answered by google". Any who for years I've said i am going to start collecting pictures of said signs and compile them into book or web site other form of entertainment for the masses. Recently while on a walk with my love we noticed the sign below outside of a local church.

Now there is nothing wrong with the majority of this sign. My hatred of poop is so strong that i feel i will need a complete separate post to delve into my hatred of cats and their poop feet and people who share food with poop tongues. Is the pile of shit necessary? I what is the reality of this shot? We all know that dog would have already started going to town cleaning itself with its "cleaner than a humans" tongue ( yeah right) and where is this stick figure going to put the poop? They aren't going to carry it around on that little shovel fro the rest of the walk are they? And seriously what was the artist trying to prove by not providing us with the perfect coil that i so often see hanging out on the sidewalks, greenbelts and general walkways of my life? Is this dog actually shitting whole squirrels? I would have rather seen a sign that showed a stick figure stepping into a coiled pile of dog crap with its head exploding from being so pissed off. The caption could read "Look what you did DOUCHE BAG now I'm covered in shit! Hope your dog passes you worms the next time you share your ice cream with him and his ass licking tongue" now that would make a statement!

Ok so i realized why stop at church signs? There are so many interesting cautionary signs out there. I am about to embark on a world adventure and i can guarantee i'm going to find some very interesting pictorial warnings along the way. This for example was at a Dunkin' Donuts in the Northeast Kingdom of Vermont.

Is this to say that one can now shower at dunkin' donuts? This has got to be some sort of code right? If you can make sense of this sign for me please do because i'm baffled.

While we are on the topic of coffee and coffee products many of us know someone who has recently gotten married. Perhaps the happy couple put an espresso machine on their wedding registry. now i know what you are thinking, It's so nice that the happy couple wants to wake up and steam some milk, add a flavor perhaps vanilla or cinnamon dolce if they are feeling particularly kicky that morning. Pull a couple of espresso shots and voila they have themselves two lovers lattes ready to be shared over the morning paper or sipped while the two create a shopping list. What if however this couple is not thinking about a traditional latte. What if this freaky as hell couple wants to make a baby latte. No i don't mean a small latte i mean a steamed baby latte. Thanks goodness you purchased them an espresso machine with this warning:

Do not steam your baby. Obviously with an espresso machine the size of a Prius one could easily steam a baby. But it's not acceptable. Cannibalism is unacceptable, yes even in latte form.Don't do it.
Oh yeah and if you are sick enough to think a baby latte sounds good maybe you also think it's appropriate to let children play with whippets, or anal suppositories the picture is up for debate.

I do enjoy that the little girl has no hair but rather triangle horns. Please feel to share your funny sings and warning labels with me.

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