Girl put your backpack on

I'm sitting in my apartment looking at cardboard boxes ready for the post, a ring of dirt on the floor where my Air Conditioner once stood and a backpack that is going to hold my life for the next four and a half months. I can't believe that a year ago I was recovering from a week in a Korean hospital wondering what my future in Korea would look like. I saw a number of changes in my immediate future but I never thought a year from that time I'd be getting ready to head out on an adventure that most people could only dream of. My travel companions and I may nod have matching haircuts but we are certainly a fab four! Our personalities are different enough to learn from each other but similar enough to get along well. We can turn to one another and cry, laugh, bitch, judge or whatever. I am very lucky to have found these three ladies and I love them all very much; let's hope that I still do after backpacking together.

May 6-7 we will be once again returning to Deokjeokdo  "the island" off of the coast on Incheon. We went last year and had a blast so we decided that since the four of us are leaving we should really say good bye to Korea right. Laying on the beach tih great friends and a bottle of Absenth sounds like a good way to say good bye.  Then on May 10 Liz, Laura and I will be heading to Bangkok, Thailand to spend a week before Brittny joins us. After we get our fourth travel buddy then we will be heading to Cambodia for a couple of weeks. Then onto Vietnam where we will travel up the coast to Hanoi. Then on to Laos and back into Thailand before flying to London on July 28. Hopefully We will get a chance to head to Ireland but if not we will at least get to explore England and Scotland before flying back to New York on August 15. I am so excited to spend my birthday in the UK! I'm so excited for this trip in general that I've been having a hard time sleeping! Don't get em wrong i am very excited to see my family and friends again but I want to ride this ride as long as I can.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind

Dear Ladies,

Glorious creatures who fill our world with beauty, love and and life please throw away your scales, mirrors and notions of what others think of beauty. Breath deep and remember that you are designed for life whether you choose to to procreate or not. So let's celebrate those hips, that ass and the glory that are breasts. After a long day of girl talk yesterday I was sitting on the train having a very Carrie Bradshaw moment. I got to thinking about what our world would be like if women didn't have access to scales, mirrors  or if they woke up feeling like I do each day. Now I'm not saying that every day I feel great. I have days when even a pony tail won't make my frizz look better. I wish I didn't have granny hairs on my chin and I'd feel better about twenty pounds lighter. Overall though I feel beautiful and confident and I always have. Even when was close to 400lbs I never sat on the sidelines because of my weight. I love dancing and swimming and I never understood how much much thinner friends felt uncomfortable having fun. Even after my surgery and down 160+ pounds I am still the fattest girl in most situations. I just don't get how my thin friends, some thin to the point of not looking healthy anymore, feel uncomfortable when I'm around. I'm the fatty. If people are looking at our friend group and making fun of anyone because of their weight it's me fatty McGee! The difference is that I don't care. Anyone who is sitting in a booth making fun of me because I'm dancing is missing out on fun. If I go out on a given night and someone doesn't hit on me it doesn't ruin my night. It does feel nice when someone hits on me or compliments me but I think that if a woman doesn't  feel beautiful on her own, those compliments are like liquor.. false confidence.
Don't have false confidence ladies. PLEASE! People who love women LOVE women. We love your eyes, your hair, your thoughts, your smile, your quirky style, your out of tune singing and yes we love love love your bodies. Would you ever go up to someone that you weren't attracted to in any way and ask them to go home with you? Do you think we don't know about spanx and push up bras? Do you think we don't know about gravity? We know that your boobs are going to pancake to the sides when you lay down  and it's ok! If  we want a woman who has perky boobs all the time that's the kind of woman we will go for. We are going to approach the women that we think are beautiful. If we want a woman that we can have great sex with, laugh with and be able to look in the eye even after some gas comes out in the heat of passion we are going to go for the woman who is having a good time. The woman who might be sweaty when she dances but whose smile is wide and full of life. We want the woman who can throw her head back and laugh at herself. We want a woman who lets us adore her in bed. That doesn't mean that you should ever let someone do something that you don't want to do but if it's something you want please don't be worried about what your body looks like in the light, on your side, from the back, upside down or whatever angle you get into PLEASE relax! Please let go of your inhabitians and hold onto us. Let us love you! We know what women's bodies look like and how they work. We all learned about pubic hair in 4th grade and while maintenece is one thing  cutting one's asshole during a shave is ridonkulous. How am i supossed to comfort her? Is this what body image issues have come to? It's not nerves about armpit fat or a "muffin top" it's a hairless asshole. I really don't even know what to say! We want to love you and celebrate your beauty and to love you completely you need to love your body!
Love yourself if you are fat, thin, tall, short even if you got your hair dyed and it looks fucktarded. Stop being self destructive. Don't use food (or lack of as a way to punish yourself). Please start  loving your bodies so that we can love your bodies and give you the good lovin' that you deserve.
xoxo
Cassie

It's my wall and I'll say what I want to!

I'm not really sure what Facebook has become. When I first started on this lovely networking site I viewed a "wall" as a conversation board. Now I know it's not. I have posted things that have caused rifts in 20 year friendships and I have seen feeds get completely out of control. Recently I have started to be uncomfortable with and sensor what I've wanted to write for fear of the backlash I will receive from friends and relatives who see the world from a different view than I do.
The bottom line is this is my wall, my blog, my voice and I will no longer hold back what I want to say but frankly sirs and madams YOU SHOULD! I know that you don't agree with me and I ignore that so that we can remain friends. I would never shut someone out for having different beliefs that I do but please If I post something you don't like just keep quiet and I will show you the same respect. If I post something that is so upsetting that you cannot keep quiet then privately message me please.
That being said... here are all of the things that I have been keeping inside.

I think Obama is a good president!

Red Friday? Are you fucking kidding me? We are supporting our troops by wearing the color that has been historically communist! Isn't that one of the reasons why the USA continually fights? The fear of communism?Remember Hitler's cute red arm bands? Red China isn't just a clever nickname! Or possibly we are combining the love of our troops with raising awareness for AIDS and AIDS research. I want the men and women fighting across the world to be free from the the torment of war. War creates in unbelievable amount of destruction to the physical and mental landscape of the land and everyone involved. I do support our troops. I support anyone who stand up to fight for their country. I think Red day is ridonkulous.

Obama is not a communist. Socialism is not a communist theory in fact its is what our country was founded on. The idea that every citizen should have a say in what happens around them. Each citizen should have access to the same resources. What happened? We have been trying to prove that we made it without England's help for so long that we've lost sight of one uping the Brits and now we are one uping the Jones'. We are so focused on being the best that we aren't supporting each other anymore. Most of us don't even know our neighbors names.Well, no one makes it to the top alone. In England if one gets sick they go to the doctor. End of. No worries about where the money will come form or if they are in network. That's socialism.

One does not need to be a devote Christian to believe in the "golden rule" we learned it in kindergarten. I try to treat everyone the way that I want to be treated. I am a judger and I would never say that I am amazing and friendly to everyone but in general I try to create a welcoming environment around me. The next time that you call some where and someone with a foreign accent answers please take a deep breath and relax. I have been an immigrant for over a year. I AM that foreigner who is in someone else's country taking a job from a Korean. I get paid more and have more vacation than my Korean co-workers. I don't know how to communicate with more than a smile and a bow. I can't speak to my students parents about issues that arise. I am the person that orders a McChicken with a thick accent and the people of Korea have been nothing but understanding. I am nervous for my students who have a dream of going to the USA. I fear that they will be treated poorly because they have almond eyes and say changey instead of change. People won't understand that the women's short skirts aren't an invitation for sex or that there is no difference between club attire and work attire in Korea. My country needs to buck up and realize that we aren't a white, heterosexual, Christian nation anymore. We need to start referring to anyone that lives in our country as American. That's it. No African, Mexican, Irish, Polish whatever just fucking Americans.If you are a citizen you are American. END OF! One does not need to lose their past to create an inclusive future.

I want to be allowed to marry the person I love. I want to have the same access to health care, tax cuts and happiness that heterosexuals do. I want to be able to live with the woman I love in a place that recognizes the quality of our relationship and lets me in the room if she has to have surgery (and I want the government to pay for that surgery too). I don't want her to have to adopt a baby that we have together because she isn't considered a parent.

Guns are bullshit. Hunting for food is a different story. I love living in a country without guns. It makes me feel so much safer than being home. Keep your guns in case there is some socialist revolution and we come running at you with universal healthcare.

Not all home school families are religious freaks. It is an amazing way to create a strong family and emotionally stable children. No one thinks Laura Ingalls Wilder was a freak!

I'm 30. I'm not married. I don't have children. If my government has anything to do with it I never will. I am smart, beautiful, friendly and I live a life that is for me. When I am 70 I will be sitting in a rocker telling stories about my adventures and I know I won't regret a single moment of my nomadic life. If you had the courage where would you go?

Ok i'll step down now. Thank You. Stay beautiful and please have the courage to be imperfect!

V-Day Until the violence stops!

In the dressing room before the show

I was recently in a bilingual production of the Vagina Monologues in Seoul and am proud to say we raised over $18,000 for KUMFA which is an organization in Korea that helps combat the discrimination that unwed mothers face here. Unwed mothers here are forced to either abort or put their children up for adoption. They rarely are allowed to keep the child for themselves. I feel proud to have raised money for this organization because it personally effects me. One of my greatest friends, Anna, was adopted from Korea as a young girl and her birth mother inevitably faced discrimination as a result of birthing such a beautiful soul.  

I take for granted that everyone knows what the monologues are about. It is a collection of women stories, thoughts and feelings about their vaginas'. It is not a show against men it is a show that raises money to end sexual violence world wide. It is a celebration of what makes women perfect. To learn more about  V-Day click on that link. 

The first time I did the Monologues was in Plattsburgh in 2002 and it was a much different experience. It was so uplifting and empowering. Unfortunately I didn't feel the same about this production. We didn't really have the opportunity to bond as a cast the way I would have liked to. I wasn't even able to learn their names or why they wanted to be in the production. I was looking forward to being in that strong female space filled with energy and light that only comes from a space full of vaginas. Unfortunately for me the male director put a dark cloud on that positive energy for many of us. He was actually the "co-director" but it didn't feel that way. He told me I needed to be sexier.... sexy is a state of mind not an article of clothing doucher! He told one of the angry vaginas to be less emotional... How does one deliver "My angry vagina" without a strong degree of emotion? I'm sure he is talented at stage direction but his presence was really not needed. I wish our female director had known how much we all trusted her and respected her and could have believed in herself enough not to ask for his help. Even though I wasn't able to make the connections I would have liked to I am still very proud to say that I continue to be a part of V-Day (anyone want to help me put it on in Plattsburgh next year?). I met some great women and we did share some special moments on that stage. I know we all feel great about helping out this place that has been our home away from home. We even got blogged about  Expat Chris's Blog

My actress bio poster

Sidewalk advertising

The Moaners
Me, Christine and Krystal

We opened the show
Christine, Courtney and Me

Some of the V-Cast
 Derrika, Me, Courtney, Christine, Ada, Michelle
Khiana,Dari and Yeon Hee Yoo